This week, I’ve been feeling drained. With some reflection and thought, I think I have an idea why. The amount of things I’m doing that drain energy from me don’t equal the amount of things that rejuvenate me.
Everyday I’m loosing energy. It’s bad accounting!
It has me thinking, what drains me and what gives me energy? I’m wondering how to balance the energy books. Is it a todo list like GTD? Is is something different?
I’ve been doing work around a personal aversion to the phrase “have to”. When I hear it, and especially when said to me, I always react “I don’t have to do anything”.
I don’t think anyone “has to” do anything.
I say let’s use more descriptive “need to”, “should”, “obligated”, “would like to”. All of which are different then “have to”.
So why? Well, I believe this term is used and beaten with a stick. It’s a dead horse, so I suggest, let’s all get off.
“Have to” came around at the end of the 16th century, which is the end of the Renaissance. Is it a coincidence that for a time when everyone is running around the countryside asking “why”, that people came up with “because you have to”? They wanted a way to shut them up.
It’s used as a blanket statement for people who don’t know, or don’t want to know. It’s used for people who want compliance.
Here is an example:
Person 1: “You have to [insert task here]”
Person 2: “Why?”
Person 1: “Because, you have to.”
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”
Spoken by: Nelson Mandela
Written by: Miriam Williamson
Where have I been? I’ve been sitting on my couch and doing sweet FA. Why? Because I felt like it. To be honest, I’ve been in a funk. It’s not about earth shattering events in life. I haven’t gone through heart shattering events. Sometimes, I think, we all just hear a little “snap” inside. Could be burn-out, could be a string of unfortunate events, or it could simply be the way the wind is blowing or the weather outside. Sometimes a little sweet FA is what the doctor ordered.
Some might consider this wallowing, and they might be right. I thought it was wallowing. At first, my reaction towards my instincts, were that is was counter-productive. Wallowing doesn’t do any good but change my point of view to see all the crappy things. But then the thought occurred, maybe that’s what I needed. In the world of improvement, to ignore the bad, is the best way to build your own little invisible brick wall that will ultimately have your journey slam to a stop. You won’t know why, or how, or where it came from, but when you hit it, it will hurt bad. To improve, the bad must be looked at. We need to know when we are beating a dead horse, or even worse, riding one. I think the only way to really know for sure, it to put on the brown goggles, and look around you.
Not only that, but it’s like the blues. It’s called the blues because it’s…well…blue: “My baby left me”; “I’m in a broke down motel”; “I got no money”. Admitting it all, somehow makes you appreciate the beauty of the music. For some odd reason, realizing how much bad, makes you appreciate that a) your still kicking around and b) that through it all, there is still good.
Is my wallowing over? maybe, maybe-not. I’ll have some more ice-cream and decide.
Last week I was on course for Advanced Server Administration for Solaris 10. The whole experience was eye opening and insightful. Some really nifty features that we covered were Zones, AutoFS, RAID and JumpStart. In the process are started to wonder if maybe there could be something here?
Lately, I’ve been in a slump. It’s not a depression but a cross roads. I’ve been trying to fdind ways over this little bump. I’m at a stage where I’ve gone through and figured out what I’ve been natural at. I’ve made inventory of things I like and things I’m good at. I’ve also started to work on finding new things that cause a peak in my interest. But I’m at a bit of a stop sign because I’ve come to a point where I look at my inventor and say “great….now what?” Maybe some of you are in the same phase. I look at my little lists and try and devise a path or goal or career out of it. But from my limited knowledge of jobs, I can’t figure out what applies.
Some of this could be my artistic and renaissance nature. It can cause a bit of a conflict with todays specialist society. However, I’m not thinking so.
This is where I bring in my education. This is where, I believe, the act of learning can help. Not only does education or courses break up a day or work week. Not only do they push with labs and tests and timelines. Not only do they introduce you to new people, new things. But they shine a light on what I like to call “you-don’t-know-what-you-don’y-know”. They can add a perspective or two and maybe connect a couple of the dots. Perhaps you find out about a career or job that connects a couple of dots.
This of course is not the end of the journey, but in looking at my list, I’ve finding things that connect the dots. As we search, as with all journeys, each time we find something that connects the dots, when we follow it, there is something else, followed by something else. The journey is endless. But, at least along the way, we learn a thing or two.
I’m a liar. Not to friends and family, but I lie to myself. We all have done it. It’s the power and beauty of denial. The best part about it is we aren’t even aware of it. And when one is engaged in the act of personal development it will happen. You will be thrown off track by a faulty lead. Perhaps even more then just one.
Denial is a great tool to be able to live day-by-day. It’s all part of the survivor instincts. Why wallow on something or some part of you when you are being chased or when you should be hunting to feed your family. It’s counter productive. But then again their are times when you should confront it, because the issue in itself is causing counter productivity.
Denial is like a criminal. Some disguise themselves in suites and smiles. Others tend to be more vicious and seedy. Yours is just as diverse. Memories are altered for protection; false observations are made to make you feel better. So to cut through all of this, we need to treat ourselves like a cop would treat a suspect. The law is blind. It uses fact, and so should you. If your answers are arbitrary or vague, come up with proof. In business they have a 360 survey. They ask direct reports, peers and leaders about one person, you. And somewhere in the middle of all the questions, the truth is born. For you, create a case file. My own personal case file is becoming more like a mystery everyday. There are new suspects popping up, key suspects are changing and new plot lines being discovered all the time. I’ve even been the key suspect several times.
Some of you feel that you are like Shaft ,Columbo or Kojak and are the lone detective cracking the case. But for some, the lone wolf path isn’t right. Don’t be afraid to find a partner; don’t be afraid to admit, “I can’t do this alone”. After all, when you are one of the suspects, how could you trust all of your own answers?
My one bit of advise is to find someone neutral. We would all like to have our family and loved ones be our partner. But sometimes, through their best interest and projections, they throw in some curve balls themselves. This is why counselors and coaches exists. These are people who care about your well being, but understand the fine line. They are professional detectives.
Regardless of how you decide to handle your own denial, keep in mind it’s there. Although my analogy could help look at it more objectively, don’t beat yourself up. There is no need to lock yourself in an interrogation room. The act of questioning is enough. The act of realizing that you can lie will open up a new possibility in finding out who you really are. The act of asking the tough questions is all it takes to unlock your own mystery.
No, this isn’t a post about wax voodoo dolls and needles.
With the Ying there must be Yang. Both must exist. It’s been a lesson that has existed for thousands of years. There must be dark and light in each of us; there must be good and bad. Nature is full of examples. Here are just a couple:
Owl, Scorpion, Snake, Vulture, Spider, Crow
Each of these animals in one religion or another have gotten a bad rap. They are “evil” or the bringers of death. Watch out! But in fact, each of them have lessons we can learn from. Lessons we need to succeed. Maybe even excel.
Take for example the act of “not caring”. The phrase in itself is difficult for some who have not embraced their dark. A simple act of not caring or even feeling indifferent to people can be a challenge. To people who want to be completely “good”, they might find themselves looking for a “win-win” outcome. They might go out of their way to accommodate others feelings, in turn, distorting the original vision. They could obsess over others feelings to the point where they take perfectly good energy away from the task at hand.
Trying to be “good” comes from years of childhood training.
“Treat others as you would be treated” - what about not treating them at all?
“Be courteous to your neighbour” - what about the asshole downstairs who likes to blare rock opera?
“Never speak before spoken to” - well how do I talk to someone who never talks to me?
I’m not a fan of “good” and “bad” ( hence all the quotes ). Reason is because there is so much more to it. In the classical sense of “good”, one must be a drone or sheep. They must follow the herd and never look back. And if anyone wants a little lime light, a little success - they must turn around and walk the other way. Be the black sheep ( some say purple cow ). Embrace your dark.
My previous post triggered something. I remembered of all the other poems I’ve written. Some I’ve shared in this blog and others I’ve kept quiet. But the thing it triggered the most was how much I enjoyed poetry. I would write it constantly and endlessly. Maybe it was my adolescence, like the poems of Carmina Burana. But simply, it might have actually been the fact that I’m a poet.
And so I started a sub-project called Nick is a poet. It’s a blog like this, and uses wordpress ( I got to use dreamhosts one button installer, it was pretty cool ). The idea is to get to a poem a day. But I don’t want to push it too much off the bat. If I happen to get a poem out a week, or maybe every other week that would keep me happy.
Now, in my own internal process and re-emergence to things I used to enjoy, what have you given up? How many things did we absolutely love doing as children and yet now we put them aside. Some liked gymnastics, others might have enjoyed the simple act of laying in a field and one by one pulling the grass. I say go back to that. Ask yourself what made you stop? Was it the someone put you down and said you sucked at it? Was it just other priorities? Find out why? Perhaps the thing that we were meant to be, the life or career we should be doing, was the same thing we did when we were 4.
Garr over at Presentation Zen has a great article on the Lessons Jazz can give everyday life. These lessons might come from the music world but can be used in any situation where 2 people are connecting.
A concept raised for Renaissance Souls is that you don’t need to do everything. Don’t go for a massive ice cream cone with one flavour. Don’t even go for a massive double scoop with a combo. For us Renaissance Souls, the idea is to have a sampler. This allows us to taste a little bit of everything: a bit of Sewing, a bit of Writing, a bit of time on the Car, etc…. Part of this is to keep our always wandering attention. Instead of allotting time to just one activity, only to feel drained when we do it. We do “one of…” something. We don’t plan until we are in the moment.
Bring in a phrase “Energy Management“. I read this from Worthwhile. And while I don’t think we need to “ruthlessly manage” our energy like Anita believes. I do think more then the number of tasks on our plate needs to be in consideration for wether or not we are overwhelmed.
Example: I’ve been working on a project to combine and relaunch a couple of sites into one. The project had some pretty tight timelines. But do you know what I did for the first 3 months? Picture a lot of reading, and a lot of filler. It’s not that my time was poorly managed, it was that people didn’t feel the need to rush. But now the project is getting to the end, people are running around like their hands and hair were on fire. Some people are seriously snapping from the stress. The project could have gone more smoothly simply by taking the amount of panic energy they have, and divide that by the number of months this project has been going.
Solution: Work energy should be managed like diabetes. It’s not always the level of sugar, it’s the spikes that cause the damage. The same goes for energy. We should be able to have a reading maybe twice or 3 times a day that tells us how are energy is doing. And our job is to make sure it’s a steady as possible. Spikes in energy could cause psychological damage like diabetes causes to the body.
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